BLOG 3 Vlierhof and the generation gap

Also on Vlierhof we come to my experience at the generation gap.
In intention, I want that all can live his or hers dream fully and realize it on Vlierhof. And I also believe this is happening to a large extent. Both young and old are experiencing wonderful times here. For the moment, we have six volunteers here between 19 and 22. One of them indefinitely, others for a few weeks.
And I think they have great fun with each other and the older volunteers and residents. And that of course gives me satisfaction.
One of the weekly activities we organize is a weekly sharing.
With the aim to get to know and feel each other better.
Yesterday there was that sharing, and I believe that all those who where present have had a lot of virtue. The way everyone says what is alive in him or her, the open listening attentively attitude, the space we create together for ourselves and each other.
However, none of the young people was taking part of it ….
Last week I told them that this sharing also is set up by Vlierhof as an integral part of the volunteer Program.
Furthermore, I find that no one has to do something he does not want to.
So an appeal is done to every person, without demanding or forcing.
When I look at my own youth, I would probably not have liked it eather. I grew up in a large family, while in severe isolation, strongly thrown back on myself. The times when I felt lucky was the month that we were camping on vacation together. Sang songs in the car together etc. Then mother was present, available to us. Throughout the year, most of us -each alone- were at boarding schools and we had to manage live ourselves.
I lived very much in my own world and opened me only very rarely to others. I tried to live me out in ball sports where excelled in. But as individualist, not as a collaborative team member …
For me children live this days often also in a ‘boarder school’, or shall I say boaring school? ” But less visible. They are detained without contact. Former first for the television, computer games later, now with whatever you want on the computer and with the headphones on. The parents do the same. There are still times when families really get together and talk? Are they even still eat together once on a while? Is there a mother who is available when the children come home from school? Where children can go to with their small or large concerns, or even joys?
I think I was lucky in my time. At least I was aware of my loss, eternal longing for the unattainable mother. To me, a lot of children of today, however, seams to lack the opportunity to be really aware of this. That this lack is beforehand suppressed? Is the baby often already not immediately snatched from the mother without breastfeeding, without the necessary nurturing? Is the mother not trained to harden her heart to make a killing pit out of it? To ensure that it is released from the child to catch on quickly to outside work?
I see young mothers desperate floundering against their natural urge to be completely able to stay one with there child … .and who is the ‘child of the bill’, as they say in Dutch? Both … .and also the more and more (in conscious experience) feel poor society ….
Back to Vlierhof, here and now.
I want Vlierhof to be a joint project, where all the dreams can come clear and alife, where we bring together everyone’s dream to give one’s own dream far transcending common dream here at Vlierhof form and (be)li(e)ve.
Since then, of course, it is a matter of communication, whether or not with words. In many contemporary projects, there is increasing talk of Dragon Dreaming. That is just about the visibility of everyone’s dream, making visible the collective dream to be distilled therefrom, build on that, and so to find motivation to create a place from which shared dream, and to find out also that everything for which dream is picked up substantially.
There is still much work for us ‘on the shelf’ (an other Dutch saying). How can we better communicate everyone’s dream? For me, sharing is an ideal tool for it. But it’s not functioning so on Vlierhof yet. Now some women will come in august inquiring whether they can live with us, with, among other things, a lot of experience in Dragon Dreaming. I look forward to it.
When each dream is not clear, and the resulting therefrom joint dream neather, there is in my opinion any time removal and discontent around the corner, ready to emerge.
Then I start to annoy me why the youth at 14.30 hour still sit comfortably playing guitar together, while we agreed to work from 14.00 till 16.00. And when I pass by 15.30, I ask myself why the painting work in the dining room is not ready yet, while no one is to be found in that area …. Again another day lost… .and why painting the sauna still taking so long as wel … Projects where the young one’s are working on …
And then I am just one very small step away from the familiar view that young people just want to hang around lazy, chill, and stood themselves with alcohol and a joint to pass the time …
How many years me myself did not always wanted to let time get over? Still now … .By not living what I really want. By over and over again to adapt me on what others wanted from me, even by becoming manic or depressed … ..
Around my 35th I decided I wanted to radically cut with it. Now I am 64. Itcosted me a lot of blood, sweat and tears. I realized then that it would cost me my beautiful profession, physical therapist / body worker, my beautiful marriage, even my then 3 beautiful children. Later I got a son, now 14, I never saw him, against my will, the last 4 years. I wouldn’t recognise him on the streat… But fortunately there is light at the end of this tunnel …
But I am happy anyway, because I found myself instead … .Only by cutting the umbilical cord between me and those who claim me to be other than I want to be. Those who want to hold, out of fear, the status quo, hope to avoid pain in that way.
The text bearing in my mind:

“We don’t serve the world by keeping us small out of fear of losing the love of others’
(Marianne Williamson, spoken by Nelson Mandela)

It took me 30 years all together to find my place in a community.
Repeatedly I was sent away, mainly because the leadership did not allow my energy, their own energy, foreclosed its own borders?
Even at Vlierhof I was sent away twice in all those years …. But that’s something I knew all along, the loneliness of being sent away. But also the way to cherish my own desire and there, stripped of all to follow in the pushing and pulling of others, finding my own path, be true to myself. Fidele to my longing for this place also.
With the result that I now – finally-let’s hope third time good time- sits on the right spot, which I already saw 14 years ago as the place of my dream. My dream in which I created a love place along with others in which are no leaders, everyone develops their own leadership, and we support each other in it … A kind of monastery with sexuality than … We are even not going to exclude the most unifying and challenging aspect of live when it comes to true love?
The challenge for me is to see the unity, the recognition that processes in others are also just as well existing in myself. In order not to fall into duality, old against young, and from judgment to withdraw myself from the unity.
Yesterday was such a wonderful moment of coming together after sharing. At the weekend one of our ‘carriers’ became very angry with me because I admitted a former volunteer in need to stay here for a while. Therefor he had to create a place of torture to drive the devil out of me (and the entire Catholic church with me) …… Live is one big THEATRE …. Humor is often the best gravy ….Every body laufing
The same thing happened with my birthday a month ago. I sang some songs very dear to my heart in KARAOKE, and we had a very pleasant KARAOKE evening all together … I drew me already back early though … .. What is there to blame others that they do not share with me?????
Of course, the solution is very simple: just me doing more together, doing chores together, not too much trapping myself in the office ….
And the dragon dreamed and lived beyond his dreams … ..A dragon of a dream?
Would there be young people and elder ones, who like to respond? I hope so.

Boudewijn, rainy summer day one, June 21, 2016

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